I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
