Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize