I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
