I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize