yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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