I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize