Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
