I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
