Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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