I swear she didn't look like that last week.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
