I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
