Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
