Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
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