just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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