The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
