Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
