I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
