Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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