I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
