Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
