Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
