I CAN MOONWALK!
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
