I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize