addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
