"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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