similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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