I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
