Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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