I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
