It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You can't motorboat a personality
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
