3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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