i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
