I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize