It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
