If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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