Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Randomize
