his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
