Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
