Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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