fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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