there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
