just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
