I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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