Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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