Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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