Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
