i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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