I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
