Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
