i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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