8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
