New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
