So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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