You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
