now i know why i became what i already was.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
