gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
