I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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