Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
one might say we're banned from that church
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
