you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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