Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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