why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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