I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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