some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize