I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
