what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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