I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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