I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize