the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
