Little spoons don't ask big questions
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize