Sry I called you an 8
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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