Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
