someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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