When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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