She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize