Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
