Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
