I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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