you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
