Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
