3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize