Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
