last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
