You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
