You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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