arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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