I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
