is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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