You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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