Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i was born a porn star she said
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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