I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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