and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
