Can i not drive my cunt home
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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