how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
