I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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