I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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