Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
So vagazzling was a success
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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