Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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