Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
