i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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