Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
