How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
