dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I bet he comes in French.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
