I faked an abortion last night.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Randomize
