Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
