If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
