There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
