There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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