I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
