he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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