I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
