here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
did i walk over a car last night?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
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