I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I looked at my own cervix.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
